Here’s Some Advice: Stop Asking For Advice (and what to ask for instead)
I’m guilty as the next. I always want advice. Not in like an annoying, help me all the time way, but I am definitely the kind of girl who sends you twelve examples of a blog title and say “Which one do you like better?” and it’s like does it even really matter?
Well. Yes, it matters. Maybe not the blog title (but MAYBE THE BLOG TITLE DOES MATTER!), but what you’re asking for does matter. You’re asking for advice because you a) truly don’t know what to do, b) don’t like any of your options or c) know what you want to do but need some encouragement.
A) If you truly don’t know what to do, the answer is D. None of the above. If it’s an emergency, go with your gut. If it’s not, wait it out and let the right answer come to you. B) If you don’t like any of your options then why are you asking people to choose one? That’s like not fair. You’re not going to like anything they choose, either, so back to answer D. None of the above. C) If you know what you want to do, JUST DO IT. Don't expect someone to read your mind and choose the option you want anyway. And don't waste their time when most likely you're not going to take their advice.
Let me give you two examples of this in my recent life:
This is a little bit of a stretch, less asking for advice & more asking for help, but the other day I had Dylan & Ashley come over to help me make my DIY Body Scrub. This ended up being a ONE PERSON PROJECT and I did no things, because there was literally not enough space for 3 bodies over one bowl to mix the stuff. I mean, it was fun and fabulous and I love having my friends to do projects with, but did I need their help? Mmm no. It ended up taking 3 people’s time and not one person’s time because half the time I forget I can do things by myself.
I’m designing a new website, and am STRUGGLING with the sidebar. What’s a sidebar? Who cares. But I spent like an hour taking pictures of circles and squares and rectangles and sending it to all my trusted friends and asking their opinion and everyone came back with a different answer. So, I chose to walk away and choose answer D- NONE OF THE ABOVE. Until I can decide which sidebar shape I like best (aka NOT THE MOST URGENT THING IN THE WORLD), I do not need to fuss all that much about it.
Other times I do this where it ends up taking more time to ask for advice than to make a decision, and where it doesn’t always end up with a better result:What to wear when going out What direction to take to Target because both ways seem like THE EXACT DISTANCE How I should do my hair What I should call the magazine Where to go to lunch (THIS IS THE WORST ONE)
Let me give you an example of when I did something all on my own:
My magazine cover.Yes, I asked for advice on the cover photo, but I chose the articles, the article titles, and I designed it all by myself. If I would've asked for advice, it would've taken me thirty times longer. I was just like wambam, moving stuff around, changing text, and takin' names. Booya. I am really proud of that cover because I did it all by myself. (I cannot wait for you guys to see it!)
Sometimes, we get so caught up in second guessing, trying to get the approval of others, or just flat out being insecure, that we can’t make a decision at all.
God works through people, this is true, but God can also speak directly to you. My advice? When asking advice for anything, check in with yourself first. Ask yourself why you’re asking for advice.
Do you know what you want to do you’re just embarrassed/nervous/insecure?
If that’s the case, ask for encouragement, not advice. Say this: “I’m going to wear this shirt tonight. Tell me I look hot so we can leave.” Voila. Or “I’m going to quit my full time job and be a photographer, I need your support because I know it’s going to be hard sometimes but I also know in my heart of hearts it’s going to be awesome.” BAM. Life made.
Do you not know what to do because none of your options sound good?
If none of your very important life decision options sound good, sister, then you shouldn’t make any of them. Let’s say, you’re deciding between moving home or working at Chipotle. And you’re, like, stressed. You don’t want to work at Chipotle, you don’t even like wannabe Mexican food, and you don’t want to move home because it’s hot there and you’ve lived in SLO for too many years to move back to somewhere where it’s hot. Well, GIRLFRIEND, newsflash: those are not your only two options.
Ask for brainstorming, not advice. Say this: “I’m not happy with either life choice in front of me right now, wanna help me think of other options that don’t make me want to die inside?” or “I hate all of these tops, do you have another top I could borrow?” TADAAAAA.
Here are some short phrases you can repeat to yourself to get you through this making-decisions-all-on-your-own journey:
You're a big girl now Trust yourself You can do it Just do it Will this really matter in 5 years? You can always change your mind Go with your gut
Beyonce asks for no advice Neither does Taylor Swift (neither of those are facts, I'm just speculating)
If you don’t trust yourself, then not asking for advice is bad advice. See how tricky this gets?
Love you and trust you and believe in you.
