Being Single Isn't a Disease And Other Mind Blowing Facts
Newsflash: Being single is not a disease. You can’t “prevent” it by being smart, funny, or pretty.
You can’t catch it.
You can’t exercise, eat, or de-stress yourself to the cure of singlehood. You can’t unclutter, organize, or clean the singlehood away. You don’t have “bad bouts” of singlehood, or relapses, or a higher likelihood than others with better genetics. “Only the good die young” IS NOT THE SAME AS “Only the good marry young”.
GOOD LORD.
You know what? I have a lot of amazing friends who found the one for them like at age 20. Or even 16. And they have proven to be great pieces of anecdotal evidence that if you’re chaste enough, go to church enough, do your hair enough, wear just the right amount of make up, or pretend not to care enough, that you, too! will find the perfect mate.
And for every happily coupled friend I have, I have five friends who are equally amazing, and equally uncoupled. They provide even stronger evidence that, surprise surprise, you can be fabulous and single. **gasp**
BEING SINGLE IS NOT A SYNONYM FOR DEPRESSION, GOOGLE YOU INCREDIBLE ASS HOLE.
If singlehood were a disease, here would be the symptoms:
Fatigue: Going to bed at 9:00 pm. Fever: Looking very hot, every day. Restlessness: Dancing every weekend. Hyper activity: Doing a lot of fun things. The chills: Being very cool.
If singlehood were a disease, the cure would be communism.
I don’t actually know what communism meanssss, but “arranged marriage” didn’t have the same ring.
If singlehood were a disease, the cure would most definitely not be Tinder, MoTav, or standing on the street with a sign saying "Help me, I'm single!"
I have tried 2 out of these 3 things. The cure might be SLO Brew, but research is pending.
If singlehood were a disease, it would have the strongest support group around.
And I don't mean the "doctors", or people who try to cure you by setting you up with every eligible bachelor in the 5 Cities. I mean the supporters, who make you get out of bed when you don't want to, and go to dance class with you because you can't go alone, and sit with you while you clean your room because you never seem to do it anymore- all secondary symptoms of being single.
If singlehood were a disease, it is not terminal.
Yes, I guess you could die single, and that would probably suck, but you won't die because you are single. Re-the-f-lax.
