A Grammar Guide for Picking Up Chicks

Facebook, texting, Tindering, whatever- the written word is an inevitable tool in the modern mating process. And every time I see a grammar error I literally physically cringe. And then I screen shot your error and send it to all my friends, and I express my serious concerns that you’re a complete idiot, you won't be able to provide for my family, you probably can’t handle money, or even READ and you’re probably not even a good kisser. Yes. We read that much into your lack of apostrophe or missing e. For example:

“Your so pretty.”

IF I EVER READ THIS SENTENCE EVER AGAIN I WILL BECOME A NUN.I swear.

And then I won’t pass on my fantastic freaking genes to the next generation and the world will suffer. And it will be your fault, sir bad speller, you.

So, let’s save the world together shall we?

Here’s a quick and dirty grammar guide:

(so you can avoid turning off all the smart girls and destroying the human race)

Your vs. You’re

Your is possessive. When to use: “Your friend told me you wanted to marry me.” or“Your blog is so interesting, I think I’m in love.”

You’re means “You are.” When to use: “You’re an amazing dancer.” or“You’re the kind of girl I can take home to mom, aren’t you?” (Yes, yes I am.)

Except vs. Accept

Except is the exception When to use: “I love everything about you, except I think you’re too good of a dancer for me.” or“I love all the bars downtown, except Frog and Peach because it sucks.”

Accept is like acceptance When to use: “Let’s go to Breakfast Buzz! And I will bring the cash because they don’t accept credit cards.”or“I won’t accept no for an answer.”

Definately/Defiantly vs. Definitely

Definately is not a thing. When to use: Never.

Defiant means resistant, or non compliant. When to use: “I defiantly stand against anti feminism.”

Definitely means you are definitively sure about something. When to use: “I definitely want to see you again.”

Here vs. Hear

Hear, like “ear” When to use: “I’m so sorry I can’t hear you, let me step away from the game so I can understand you better.”

Here, like not there, but here When to use: “Come here often?”

U vs. You

U is a letter of the alphabet. When to use: Never.

You is a pronoun. When to use: “You have the most beautiful smile, could I buy you some coffee?”

And while we’re feeling academic, here’s some quick geographical knowledge for you. Asia is a continent and Denver is in Colorado.

Good Lord.

Here are some take aways for you:

1. Watch your grammar if you want to ever have a girlfriend or have children. 2. If you are talking to a boy who has horrible grammar, do not reproduce with him. 3. If you love a man who has horrible grammar, send him this link and pray for a speedy recovery. 4. You're vs Your is the worst one. Don't be a statistic. You're not an idiot, and your future is bright. So, prove it.

Tons of love,

Asia Just saving the world one Facebook conversation at a time.