If you didn’t already know, my baby sister is preggooooo. Beau Thomas Gene will be born in August, and her baby shower was this past weekend in Spokane, Washington, where she and our entire family live (except me and my parents). The baby shower was so fun, and so great to see how much love they are receiving from his family and ours. I just left her and her belly at the airport, and I am counting down the days (112) until my favorite nephew is born!
So, in case you find yourself in this amazing predicament, here are a few things that you may experience..
1. You will never judge anyone ever pregnant ever again.
A few people have asked me “Is this a good thing or a bad thing?” Ummm, let’s think about that. My baby sister is having a BABY, a cute little bundle of freaking JOY that will have a portion of my genetics therefore be PERFECT that I get to play with and cuddle and buy gifts for and therefore be the best aunt ever andddddd then get a good night’s sleep? Is this a good or bad thing? Neither. This is fabulously freaking fantastic.
2. You will throw away an entire box of Oreos.
You will want to watch everything she puts into her mouth. You possibly may tell her that her baby will be dumb if she eats a pixie stick. And you will caress the baby belly and say “I’m so sorry baby, I was there the day your mother ate the pixie stick and made you the way you are. I should have stopped her.” And then you will feel kind of bad, so you will buy her a whole box of Oreos. And then you will snap out of it- COME ON. So you will let her have a few and then you will throw away that box of Oreos. And you will pretend you ate the whole thing so she doesn’t get mad that you just threw it away, and she will believe you because you love Oreos a lot. But then, as soon as it is buried far enough down in the trash, you will confess that you just wasted an entire box of goodness to save her baby from a sugar addiction and diabetes. You’re welcome.
3. You will buy her EVERYTHING.
Oh, it’s not even baby stuff. But you will buy that, too. You will not buy her baby clothes because she has a million clothes already. (I lied, you will also buy her baby clothes, especially if they say “I have the best auntie ever!” on it… or anything camera related, even if it’s pink and you’re having a newphew. No gender-typing here.) No, oh no, you are not just trying to buy everything for the baby, but for her! A spice rack, books, groceries, you name it. And you will WANT TO. And then she will say “I love being pregnant, I get spoiled!” and then...
4. She will try to talk you into also getting pregnant.
Along with the rest of the world. Did you think that as the unwed and older sister that the pressure would magically disappear once your little sister gets pregnant? Hahahahaha. Oh you naïve naïve soul. My mom has been begging for a grandbaby since we were of childbearing age (slight exaggeration) and I was so thrilled I didn’t have to be the one to deliver it! But THENNNNN, THENNNNNN, that little woman upped her standards. Give her an inch, she will take a mile. She said- can you ACTUALLY BELIEVE THIS- that she has “to have two grandbabies at the same time”. Oh GOOD LORD ABOVE. Yes, I would love if people bought me everything I needed, and yes, I will one day probably reproduce and give lots and lots of joy to the rest of the world. But let me tell you…
5. You will not want to be pregnant.
And you will think it is very funny. You will laugh when she tries to put her pants on because she can’t see her legs. You will be so glad you didn’t have to see her during her first trimester when she was throwing up. You will hear about the nipple pads and all these other weird things and want to gag. And with this reaction other people will tell you that it’s totally fine to adopt. But a part of you thinks that there is no way you are missing out on the opportunity to get that much attention. And then you will hear her complain about swollen feet and remember the nipple pads and you will think again.
6. You will really, really want to help in any way.
You will make sure to find a booth at a restaurant where she can fit her big belly, and then you will have to eat with your plate practically on your lap because you can’t reach the table so far in front of you. You will rub soothing cream on her itching belly. You will cook her healthy and delicious meals (flank steak stir fry and taco turkeys) that she may or may not like, even if you hate cooking. You will plan to do all sorts of unrealistic things that mothers laugh at because it’s totally not going to happen like making months and months of baby food in advance and then freezing it so you can just pop it out later. You will help her organize all of her baby clothes by age- new and hand me downs included- and it will take you hours, but you will watch Frozen during it, which is an awesome sister movie, and you will feel so blessed that you get to spend time contributing to your sister’s and her baby’s ease of life.
7. You will budget visiting once a month for the rest of his life even if you live two states away.
Because he has to know you! And you have to take pictures of him! And help her get sleep! And teach him French and Spanish! And give her time to go on dates! And make sure she isn’t feeding him pixie sticks or Oreos! And once he is of age (after breastfeeding, after potty training.. so, like, 5?), you will plan to take him to California with you and you will start a fund now for this EPIC TRIP.
8. You will love your parents more because they are about to be grandparents.
“The best dads become grandpas” = so true. You will look at your parents and think OMG you are SO ADORABLE you little grandparents you!! Best looking grandparents around! You will want to call them whippersnappers, because you feel like because they are grandparents that they are now old. Which is most definitely not true. And then you will be so relieved that your nephew has some young whippersnapper grandparents. And you will start planning things for them to do like “How excited are you to build a tree house for your grandson?!” and then you will realize they have already started planning “Oh, I was planning on building an entire tower!”. And you wonder what your newphew will call them and sincerely hope that it’s just a simple “Grandma and Grandpa” not like “Mammy and Pappy”, which is totally fine but also totally weird because they’re your parents.
9. You will love that child before you meet him and you will love your sister even more.
You will look at her and think how proud you are that she is going through this as if she is THE FIRST person everrrr to go through pregnancy, the first ultrasound picture therefore THE COOLEST, the first baby to look like he’s sneezing in the belly, you will FALL IN LOVE with a bump. You will look at her and think to yourself how beautiful she is! And how amazing she is that she is CREATING A HUMAN. You will Google “How to be the best aunt ever” and whether or not Baby Can Read is still in business (they’re not, they’re probably frauds. Lame.) because you want your nephew to be the smartest creature on the planet. And you will cry at the airport when you have to say goodbye to her and the baby bump even though you will see her in 3 days because what if the baby kicks while you are gone?! And then you will think about moving to Washington so you can see him every single day. And then you will remember that you live in California, and that you really love your sister, but youuuu live in California. So there’s that. But then you remember that he will have a nose! And toes! And probably the cutest noes and toes THAT EVER EXISTED EVER. Sigh. The battle within continues.
p.s. Yes, Beau Thomas Gene Norton has three first-ish names. We have thought of awesome alternative acronyms.
Be The Good Neighbor.
Bring The Groceries Now!
Because The Guy’s Naked
And the rest are too inappropriate.
Your prayers and love are appreciated for this beautiful 3 named baby, his mommy and his auntie :)