Being an independent woman in a relationship is a beautiful sight to behold.
You do your own thing, he does his own thing. You never get lost in his habits, in his movie preferences, or his bar choices. You never ask for permission to travel, to dance, to wear a midriff.
You go to bed at 10 pm when he goes to bed at 2 am. You spend New Years with your friends and he spends New Years with his. You go out dancing when you want to, he goes to Bulls when he wants to. You go to Vegas with your girls, and he goes to Tahoe with his boys. You go to church on Sundays and he watches football.
You may never pay for your own meals or coffee, you may never be cold at night, you may cry in his arms when you feel like the worst business owner in the world, you may take for granted that he second shoots your weddings, you may play fantasy football to appease him, but you ARE an independent woman. You go to bed just so satisfied and proud that you have not lost yourselves in each other, that you still go out, that you are your own people, and maybe! even better with each other. It's beautiful to be with somebody like that.
And then. One day. Being an independent woman isn’t so beautiful anymore. Because you don’t get congratulated for being an independent woman as a single woman.
Being an independent woman as a single woman is merely expected.
Congratulations you went out dancing on a Saturday night as a single woman. Whoop de freaking do.
If only I had changed my whole life. If only I had never traveled when we were together. If only I had never gone dancing. If only I had bailed on my friends, stopped chasing my dreams, lost connection with who I was.
Then I would have something to look forward to right now.
Then, I could wake up and say “Well, at least I can go dancing this weekend!” or buy a ticket to New York, like I did after I ended my first relationship, in which I did get lost. That was a much funner break up, doing all the things I couldn’t have done with him. This one, though, this one.
Everything is the same, and everything is different.So, next time, next time I will get a little more lost.
So I will have something to find when it’s over.
The Lord heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3