This post is in honor of 2015 being the year I turn 26.
(Wait, whaa?! Shhh, forget I said anything).
It is also in honor of the Harry Potter marathon I am having in preparation for my trip Harry Potter World in a few weeks. I am prepared to forget all of my adulthood lessons and live in my childhood for 8 glorious evenings while I watch Harry and Ron and Hermione grow into magical little precious evil wizard fighting beings. Even wizards have to grow up.
And muggles, too.
26 Inconvenient Truths You Have To Come To Terms With Because You Are An Adult
- You have to drink water. And if you don’t have water next to your bed, you have to actually get up, walk downstairs, get water, walk back upstairs, drink the water. Or you will wake up hung over. And no sober person deserves a hangover.
- The movie needs to be returned to the Redbox even if it’s out of your way and even if you haven’t watched it yet.
- Cheap nail polish is cheap because it’s cheap.
- $4 coffee x 365 = way too much to be spending on coffee.
- You make your own financial decisions, though, which means you will indeed spend thousands of dollars on coffee, and then you will buy the cheap nail polish to make up for it.
- You have to clean your make up brushes.
- You cannot fall asleep on airplanes.
- You have to pretend to like your friends’ friends at their birthday dinner parties. Activate the diplomatic “smile and nod”. At every other event, though, deactivate the aforementioned "smile and nod" and just ignore them all together.
- You cannot go to the college library. Because she doesn’t even go here.
- When you quote Mean Girls, there are living breathing human beings that will not know what you are referring to.
- You only have one roommate, instead of anywhere from two to twelve roommates, so if you don’t take out the trash, you can’t blame it on your other roommate, because that other roommate doesn’t exist. Then you realize eventually you will have no roommates, but you’re pretty convinced you will be able to trick yourself into thinking your trash is your invisible roommate’s fault.
- Eating too many Girl Scout cookies will.make.you.sick.
- Friends will break up with their boyfriends and they will get back with them and you will have to deal with it, support it, like it, love it.
- Being in a wedding is expensive as shit.
- You thought you could avoid baby fever, and then you get a nephew and you’re like SHIT I HAVE TO HAVE BABIES AT SOME POINT.
- When someone texts you to go to coffee last minute and you realize you can actually go because you somehow have no other things to do, you now absolutely have to go because it is an effing miracle that two grown adults have an hour of unplanned free time for each other. Like I said, you have to go.
- You cannot multitask. This goes away the day after your 22nd birthday, so say goodbye to having text conversations and verbal conversations at the same time because you will read that shit out loud or you will be texting your boyfriend with “Hey babe, what are you get the milk Mom? And eggs, too?” Or worse, the other way around… #eeek
- Nobody cares what you eat or don’t eat, just eat it or don’t eat it.
- The auto pay option is now your best friend and also your worst enemy.
- Being broke is no longer something to brag about. Actually, it’s been a really long time since that was something to brag about.
- There are a million people at the beach on a Saturday afternoon, but you know none of them, because your friends are napping (#22), unless they’re your friends with kids. Because those friends never nap, also remember when you have friends with kids?
- You also have to nap. So, sorry about it beautiful Saturday afternoon, I didn’t even know you existed.
- You are allowed to get gas before the gas light comes on. Mind blown.
- Your hair really does look better blow dried, no matter how hard you try to pretend like the half-wave thing your hair does when you leave the house after showering is “in style”. It’s not in style, it’s just lazy, and you need to blow dry your hair.
- You have to start remembering people’s birthdays again, because now people are ditching Facebook for Instagram (more “professional” or “private”) and Instagram does not send you an email on people’s birthdays or even a simple notification so HOW IN GOD’S NAME ARE WE SUPPOSED TO KNOW. Actually, I remember all my birthdays thanks to Time Hop. Thank you past Asia for posting birthday collages and Time Hop for reminding me.
- You are physically capable of going to the bathroom by yourself at social events and you don’t need to bring your friends with you. But only if you have your iPhone.
Here's a bonus inconvenient truth for you:
27. Sometimes you feel like hiding the photos where you thought you were total hot shit and you were wearing tiny shorts and midriffs because you thought you would never get any hotter, because now you realize that holy God in God's name of Jesus loving the world, I am hotter now than I ever have been. Is that a thing? Yes. It's a thing. It may be inconvenient, because you were just so convinced and you have so many photos!, but my vote is that you take a shit ton of photos now until forever so that you can realize that holy God in God's name of Jesus loving the world, you get better every day.