Note: I am not the biggest fan of profanity, but this post has a curse word in its title and I do say the s word a few times. Judge away.
I haven't had to deal with haters since.. well, yesterday. And you know what? I'm super good at it. Because I've had haters since girls realized that the boys realized that I had a nice butt. Like literally at ten years old. (God, that's disturbing.) I've had haters for so long, I don't even see them anymore. But...
What you focus on expands. - Oprah Winfrey
Therefore, what you don't focus on shrinks. Those haters are teeny weeny little fairy haters. I could send them into next week with a flick of the hand if I cared enough to put that much energy into it.
But this reaction to haterdom has only happened because I have been better at receiving it. I put in the work to gaining confidence, building up walls, trying to be understanding of the poor, poor hater girl. WTF! There was nothing wrong with me in the first place, why am I the one trying to improve myself?
There are articles on top of articles about "How To Handle/Block/Ignore The Haters", etc, etc. There's even a whole slogan that should reassure you: "Haters gonna hate."
But you know what? SCREW THAT.
That's like saying "Racists gonna be racist", just deal with it. IS THAT A JOKE. You know who is writing these articles and making up these slogans? Haters. They are putting the responsibility on YOU. They are trying to trick you into thinking that if you're offended by those things, that it's because you're not strong enough, you're not secure enough, you're not good enough.
Oh I am so pissed off right now.
So, obviously, something has stirred me and I am angry about it. Because I am tired of blaming the hateree instead of the hater if feelings get hurt. We need to get to the root of the freaking problem, here.
Let's be honest, we are all haters at one time or another.
And we need to cut.that.shit.out. Don't be part of the problem, be part of the solution. Let me help you. Without further ado (sorry for that really long, ranting introduction)...
7 Ways To Not Be A Total Hater Bitch:
You don't HAVE to comment on everything you see. If a girl is dancing on tables and cannot dance, why.does.this.matter.to.you. It doesn't. She's not in your way. She's not trying to lure your man with her not-seductive, horrible dance moves. Leave her alone. Unless she is trying to lure your man, or is dancing on your dinner table, then you can tackle her.
2. Put yourself in her shoes:
If a two year old is crying and screaming in the Starbucks, you would be so irritated. If this two year old was crying and screaming because she had burns all over her body, you would not be so irritated. You need to open your eyes, girl. That girl dancing on the table? Maybe her boyfriend just cheated on her with a girl who danced on tables, and she's doing some sort of therapeutic dance on tables self-care thing. You literally do.not.know her at all. This may be the first time she has ever drank in her life, because her parents are alcoholics and she thought she'd be the worst drunk ever, but her friends have convinced her that they would have her back tonight and make sure she's okay. You have no clue.
3. Remember you're a woman, too:
Ha, oh man, this one is close to home. The next time I see a girl hate on another girl because her boyfriend cheated, I will become a nun (I am just using this threat all the time because I think it's drastic and non violent and I like it). This is not a novel revelation, but GIVE ME A BREAK. It.is.the.guy's.fault. Girls need to stick together. Unless she's your friend and she hooks up with your boyfriend- then you can hate her and you never have to forgive her and that's an entirely other blog post. But if she didn't even know, then leave her alone. This could totally happen to you and ya know what, sister? I bet it already has.
4. Realize your bitch face is ugly:
Nobody thinks "Wow look at that girl over there pointing with her total bitch face and saying snarky things about everybody, she is a total winner and really good at life and I want to marry her/be friends with her/give her a raise/let her in the bar for free for forever." Never has this happened. Your friends may pretend like "You're totally right, that girl is a total slut.", but deep down they're probably thinking "Why aren't we dancing? Can we talk about other things? That girl actually does look really great tonight…" And if they're not thinking that, then they should read this post, too.
Putting down other people does not make you look better. It makes you look petty, immature, insecure, and ugly. Just flat out ugly.
5. Make friends:
Go against your instincts. You know what would be better than hating on that girl who has really great clothes and always looks amazing? Ummm, borrowing her clothes and becoming friends and being the hottest girl crew around. And you know what's sexy? Confidence. If you have the confidence to tell another girl that she looks amazing, people notice. And guaranteed that girl will compliment you back. (Or like at least half the time, as long as she's not a hater herself.) And then you will feel great about yourself, she will feel great about herself, you'll become bffs forever and then you can borrow her cute boots. #winwin
6. Realize you're just jealous:
Just last night, I saw a girl wearing the tiniest little shorts that covered her ass not at all. And I was like "Look at that girl, omg have some self respect" yadda yadda yadda (I should take my own advice huh?). But you know what's funny? I never hate on girls who wear midriffs because I wear midriffs all the time. I may be 25 but I have a toned tummy and I like to show it off. So, why am I mad at this girl because she's showing off her best assets? Because I could never pull off shorts like that. Ever. She had great legs. I may be tiny, but my ass is not and it needs to stay inside my pants. If I could do it, I would wear tiny, cheek-bearing shorts, too, but I can't, so I'm a hater. Dear girl-in-the-blue-top-and-short-black-shorts last night who was trying to get in the back door at Motav but it was closed, I am so sorry that I hated on you. Forgive me.
7. Check yourself before you wreck yourself:
Oh, girl. Ohhhh, girl. You don't know that girl you're hating on at all. But you might. We live in a small town. You definitely might know that girl. Or your friend might know that girl. Or she might be on an interview panel for a new job. Or she could be your new chemistry partner. You do not need to make enemies in this town, lady. If I hated on every girl ever possible, I would be hating on my entire clientele. Can you imagine? If a girl came to me to get her graduation pictures taken and I was like "Omg you're that girl in the tiny black shorts I was making fun of"? That would be HORRIBLE. I am so glad I didn't say any of those thoughts out loud last night. So, just remember, that this girl has a life outside the bar and that life may cross paths with yours. Don't learn that lesson the hard way.
"How positively you see others is linked to how happy, kind-hearted and emotionally stable you are, according to new research. In contrast, negative perceptions of others are linked to higher levels of narcissism and antisocial behavior." - Wake Forest University study
To the girl who was a total hater bitch to my friend last night, I forgive you. I hope you're reading this post and I hope you feel truly horrible, but I forgive you. I hope you look as good as my friend does in four years, and I hope no one hates on you. Or maybe I do, I don't know. Regardless, I forgive you.
Tons of love,